My Two Euros...

A Facebook friend posted an article on the EU on their wall, it popped up in my timeline, I read it, and found the article really good at prompting me to debate - within my own brainium - some points about the in/out/shake-it-all-about discussion on staying part of or exiting the EU or the BRokey-Cokey as I've decided to call it.

So, I thought I'd bumble in with my two Euros (GBP 1.58) worth...

I was going to write a comment, which one would hope would be a reasonably concise reply, but this spiralled somewhat out of control, and became ridiculously long-winded and rather inappropriate as a Facebook timeline sized response.

First of all, for context, here's the article:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2016/02/24/gerard-lyons-the-eu-is-like-the-titanic-and-we-need-to-jump-off/

And now - based on that - here are a few things that I'm not sure are really the best things for the UK:

First of all I don't think sovereignty is such a hot idea, especially considering the way our government likes to help the most vulnerable at present, having more autonomy to do what it likes - seeing as it already chooses to largely ignore the judgments upon how we're pushing our luck regarding human rights - is something I'd be very worried about.

I do believe there should be devolved decision making, but I think that should be councils within the UK rather than the UK outside of the EU, which I doubt really troubles itself with how Norwich is spending its housing budget (which I imagine is already pretty miniscule at best).

Secondly, this "meaningful immigration target" seems to springboard off of a bizarre fear that we're full, when we're not, most definitely not, and we can and should open up for more immigration.

Also, how would leaving the EU impact the 2.2 million ex-pat Brits living abroad? Not to mention free movement in the EU in general, whilst I'm sure deals could be worked out I think the British passport would lose a lot of its power, it's incredible now how free we are to travel (though personally I think everyone should be freer - is that a word?!), but I imagine Visa costs would leap up a great deal; making living, working, studying abroad very difficult for many people, and all people deserve the right to move freely, that is something we should be moving towards, not tighter restrictions on movement.

Thirdly, focusing attention on small firms and ordinary workers? Is this article also proposing that we overthrow the government at the same time as we leave the EU? If so, then I've changed my mind, I'm all for leaving the EU... If leaving means we can start paying an *actual* living wage, not demonising and attacking Unions who already focus their attention on ordinary workers rights, whilst also taxing big business an appropriate amount, cracking down on those who avoid tax (using loopholes that big business have usually helped create), making sure all businesses & individuals have domiciled status (no nom dom status), providing more stability and better conditions to freelance workers, getting rid of things like workfare, maybe even instigating a Universal Basic Income (UBI)? Anyway, there's so much more I could list there, but I'm already going on a bit too much.

However, far seperated from this within the article is the mention that we'd be globally competitive by having "low taxes for firms to succeed", hmm? That doesn't sound so good to me, considering how tax and business already stand.

Then if one is going to devolve the EU argument down to youth unemployment then I think it's important to realise that no matter what you do there will never be enough work for everyone willing and able to work, there are too many people and the nature of work has changed, sure, we could continually invent redundant roles like "marketing executive" to give to everybody, but what would be the point of that? A different solution *cough* UBI *cough* needs to be found *cough* UBI *cough* to address mass unemployment.

I agree that, if we were to leave the EU, the money we wouldn't be spending on the EU should go into funding our public services, though I'd stress that this should mean halting the privitisation of the NHS as a top priority, but, for some reason, I doubt that'd be exactly what the incumbent government would have at the top of their list. I mean we should already make funding our public services a priority, over things like, umm, Trident for example...

So, with that in mind, it's important to frame the EU in/out debate with the caveat of "How are the Tories going to handle this and will it be good for society?" and, considering how good they are for the vulnerable at the moment, I don't think they'd handle this with a lot of people's best interests at heart.

I think there are some rather fantastical elements within this article, especially with regards to how migration supresses worker's rights and adds pressure on housing and public services. I think that's nonsense, and in an earlier sentence suggesting that the "opportunity to safeguard worker's rights" should be "ultimately determined by Parliament" is vey troubling, considering the erosion of worker's rights, housing and public services already being enacted by the current government.

Anyway, that's my rather lengthy response to the article, and I know that's more reactive than constructive, but I guess - if you'd like to know a few of my reasons for staying (and negotiating for a better EU, because I don't believe the EU is perfect, but then the alternative isn't either) I'd briefly summarise them as:

• Trade gains outweigh expenditure
• Free travel / UK passport = amazeballs
• Without the EU I think the UK's illusion of global importance would be eroded (not by us, but by other countries - here's what the Global Times said about us in 2013: "The Cameron administration should acknowledge that the UK is not a big power in the eyes of the Chinese. It is just an old European country apt for travel and study.")
• And I think - for all its flaws - it's better to try and move towards a world that attempts to work together rather than one that strops off and says "I can do this better on my own", which is a sort of naive way of putting it, but I've already gone on for far too long!

Well, as you can tell that was probably rather an inappropriate length for a Facebook-sized debate. Hence this blog, which I hope is interesting to anyone who might wind up here.

It's nice to try and articulate one's thoughts on something like the EU debate, and, hopefully start a conversation where my points and ideas can be challenged too!

Ultimately, I think there's some use of imagery in this article that feeds upon fears and - oddly - a distrust of the Establishment (the use of the term "bureaucrats in Brussels"), when it would be a Tory Establishment dictating any future for the UK sans EU.

To borrow an image from the article, it says the EU is like the Titanic - and it illustrates this with a still from the 1997 film - I'd say that the EU is potentially more like the film Titanic. Something fraught with production troubles, exponential expenditure, naysayers and competing creative voices, and then - ultimately - beyond all expectations, one of the most successful films of all time.

Taking A Dump

I had to end a relationship recently. I'm not very good at the whole dumping process because I always worry that the person is going to take it so personally, and it's never because that person is without merit, and it's never because the feelings I felt previously no longer really apply. I will still feel that that person is as smart, funny, interesting and attractive as I felt they were when we first met, but, for whatever reason a relationship wasn't working for me.

One of my friends recently had a relationship end as well, he was on the receiving end of the dumpage, and his current state of mind seems very similar to how I felt when a long term relationship came to a slow, trundling, painful end in 2007. Except in that instance, I was the one responsible for the end of things.

I've been wondering, since having to do the dumping, about the perceptions of the act, and whether it's worse to be the dumper or the dumpee. It does all depend on how you feel about the person, but I'm savvy enough to generally date people that I care about and so having to end a relationship with them isn't exactly my idea of fun.

For me, it's a rather awkward, difficult and painful process and I feel a lot of remorse and guilt about it afterwards. I almost feel like I shouldn't dump someone who still feels that the relationship is working, that I should plough on and try and make it work, but, what if it never works? Maybe they'll be happy, but how much time should I put into trying to fix things especially if the 'things' are a general feeling of it not being quite right?

Are there concrete and valid reasons to ever dump someone? Y'know, beyond; "You slept with my mum at my birthday party." or "You used my pet hamster as a football." Do you really need a concrete reason to end a relationship? I guess that depends on how long the relationship has gone on for, but, regardless, it's not going to feel like much of a reason to the dumpee.

I've been dumped a fair few times, the first one that sticks out in my memory was a girl who was a few years older than me, I had recently finished my A-Levels and she had recently finished University. One day she came round and ended things, I asked for a reason, she said "Gut instinct." Fair enough.

A week or two went by and we got back together, but, it didn't last much longer and this time I was the one ending things. When she asked for a reason I tried my best to explain myself and all the things I felt (which, unfortunately for the sake of this article, I've forgotten), but she told me my reasons were rubbish.

But, rubbish reasons or not, you can't force a relationship to continue.




More recently I found out that a girlfriend wanted to end things with me when she sent me a text intended for someone else by accident. Karmically this felt justified, because I had done a similar thing in the past. I was just a bit miffed to find out that they had felt unhappy in the relationship for 'a couple of months'. How long are you supposed to trudge along hoping something is going to miraculously improve? A sense of malaise will only autonomously produce more malaise.

I accepted that there was nothing that could be done, and that if that's how they felt, and had felt for a while, it probably wasn't worth the effort to try and repair the relationship. It would have been like putting a sticking plaster over a gaping axe wound, maybe, for a little while things would have been ok, but pretty soon your guts would fall out... metaphorically.

Selfishly, with some break-ups, I have worried about how I am being portrayed by the dumpee to their friends and acquaintances, sometimes these are people I have known as well, irrespective of the relationship. Knowing the 'full facts' I can't help but feel pangs of annoyance that they might be skewed in order to cast my ex in a better light, that she might have the opportunity to distort the story to only reflect her side of things and those she tells, being naturally supportive, will agree that I am a massive douchebag. Which is true, but still...

Obviously, this is fair, when a relationship ends you want your friends to be on your side regardless of whether you were the dumper or the dumpee. Though it is interesting to find out, after you break up with someone, how your friends have actually felt about you and your ex all along. I've had it revealed to me in the past that people haven't really liked some of my exes. I've also been told that some of my girlfriend's parents didn't like me and I'm sure plenty of friends of girlfriends haven't liked me either.

But, really, regardless of what others think, a relationship is about that connection between two people and to a large extent it shouldn't matter what others think about a couple unless it's something along the lines of: "I think I saw your girlfriend on Crimewatch yesterday."



"It's not you, it's me."


So, when someone wants to end a relationship of course you're going to take it very personally, because it's not about outside forces, it's about your opinion of one person. However, sometimes you realise you just don't want to be in a relationship with someone, it's a cliche to say 'We can still be friends!' but it's something I genuinely mean (and if I don't mean it, I won't say it), and in a few instances people I began seeing in one way I am now good friends with. So yeah, in your face When Harry Met Sally.

Of course, it's easier to be friends if the feelings behind the break-up are quite mutual, or, if the relationship was in the very, very early stages, y'know, where you're just dipping your toe in the water to see if it's hot or cold... that's not a euphemism for anything kinky.

For me, it's quite to difficult to know if I'm just being impetuous and fickle, or if I'm struggling to really get over things from the past. In talking to my recently dumped friend I don't think I've been particularly encouraging in my post-break-up advice, especially as I feel he's in a similar state of mind as I was when a relationship ended a while ago, and it took me a very long time to get to a point where I felt like I was moving on, and, to be honest, it's something I don't think I'll ever get over completely, and that's not a slight on anyone else I may meet after that, and it's not a bar that people have to meet or vault over, but, it's a feeling in the past, you can't erase your past and there's no reason why you should, as long as it isn't crippling you in your present.

I think that's something that people forget and fret over, they worry how they might compare to someone else, or they worry about what the person they are with might think about them, and other such neuroses, but, you have to try and leave those worries behind and enjoy the moment as much as you can.

Yet when someone breaks up with you all those worries come back up to the surface, and you analyse yourself, you think about all the things you must have done wrong, but, for the most part, you probably didn't do anything wrong.